This week in class we discussed the different roles of men and women. We talked about how we raise our kids different based on their specific gender. With boys we tend to treat them differently and dismiss them from feelings because they are "boys" but then when they turn into men we want them to be sympathetic, thoughtful and caring. It is a double standard. We need to raise our boys to have feelings just like girls. They don't have to express them the same way as girls do, nor should they because we are made differently. I think it is amazing that we are made differently, we are made differently for a reason, it is part of the whole plan. I am amazed of the things I have learned from my husband. I am thankful that he has more of a grasp on things, so that when I get overly emotional he can help me to see the logic behind it and not freak out as much. And then vice-versa I have been able to help him feel more when he is stressed or troubled, and let him know it is ok to have those feelings. Men and women are a great balance and make the best companionship for that reason and many more.
We also talked about how parents now days are diagnosing their children to be "gay" as early as age 4. This is so saddening to me. First of all how can you tell if a four-year-old is heterosexual let alone gay at such a young age? Just because the child might have more feminist or masculine tendencies does not mean they are gay or shouldn't be able to pursue those tendencies. Boys who play with dolls should be able to play with them or girls who play with trucks should be allowed too. It doesn't matter. We need to be careful to not identify our kids and put labels on them like that so young, it is a very harmful for our children. We need to raise our kids with high morals and standards so that when they do become adolescents and start having these feelings they can cope with them better. The world is only going to get worse and they need a strong testimony of the doctrine. If we teach the why in the home they will be more likely to stand up for what they know is right and not be confused. It is vital that we teach this.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
Truth and Tolerance
Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave an excellent talk entitled, "Truth and Tolerance." In this talk he explained the difference between truth and tolerance and how we need to make sure that we know the difference between the two. Especially as Latter-day Saints, we need to stand up for the truth and what we know to be true. It is important to be respectful of other's beliefs and loving them for our differences. There is though a difference between being respectful and being numb. We need to be careful not to fall down the path that we become numb to everything around us. There are many instances if we are not careful in realizing the adversaries attacks that we can fall down the wrong path. For instance, we first implore, tolerate and then embrace. This can happen with a variety of different situations such as things in the media, the world around us and in our own personal sphere of influence.
I encourage you to watch or read Elder Oaks' talk. Here is the link:
Truth and Tolerance
I encourage you to watch or read Elder Oaks' talk. Here is the link:
Truth and Tolerance
September 11, 2011: Elder Dallin H. Oaks speaks at the CES Devotional.
http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/ces-firesides?lang=eng&start=25&end=36#2011-09-1020-truth-and-tolerance
We have been talking a lot about culture in class and it made me realize a couple of things.
1. Just because we don't understand a culture does not mean that we should bash it or be hateful towards them. We should enlighten ourselves and then make educated assumptions based on what we know to be true.
2. Just because someone is different than us doesn't mean that they are bad or wrong. Each culture can bring good and bad things.
3. It would be so cool to adopt the best things from each culture and make the "best" culture.
Cultures I want to apply in my own family:
- Family first
- Wholesome recreational activities
- Family dinner every night
- Chinese: treat grandparents well and honor them
- Filipino: huge family get-together
Friday, May 10, 2013
Family : A System
In class this week we have been learning about family systems. The four different theories that we discussed were:
Conflict Theory: Power to get gain.
Exchange Theory: When you give you expect getting something back in return.
Symbolic International Theory: Unwritten rules that we have grown up with or used to. Most of these are interpersonal communication and not written down anywhere, they are just known. It also based on your own perception regarding the behavior.
Family Systems Theory: Different subsystems of a family
It was interesting to discuss the unwritten rules that we live by. Depending on culture, race, family background and other factors it depends on how we perceive things. For example my family and I had a foreign exchange student from Colombia come live with us for his senior year of high school. When we met him he kissed me on the cheek, to him that was showing respect towards women in the highest regard, but I perceived very differently. This can happen in other situations as well. Newly weds deal with this in their first years of marriage, coming from two very different backgrounds, there are times when some things might be offensive to others even though that was not your intention. It is important to talk about those differences and not take offense but being understanding.
When I looked at my own family "rules" it was funny to see the things I had grown up with and become accustom to. It has also been interesting getting married and to see how my husband's family works and their set of "rules." Luckily my husband and I were raised very very similar so we didn't have a lot to change or adjust to when we got married. Plus my husband is very easy going, patient and understanding so he is really easy to get along with.
We also talked about boundaries familes set. We talked about homeostasis and circular activity. Homeostasis is when we play different roles. For example you act differently at church, school, when you are at home, or when you go to the store. It isn't that you have multiple personality disorder, but that in each of these different situations you take on a new role based on how you think you should act. We do this in our own familes as well.
When situations arise in the family roles change and family members can be closer, further or disengaged. For example when a child is very ill that causes stress on the family. The mom becomes closer to the daughter and is helping her, which then they form a union. The father can feel overwhelmed and stressed with the expense of the bills and feels disengaged from his wife. The other siblings might feel as though the sister is getting all the attention and feel jealous. In these situations it is important to see how others are feeling and to have open communication so that everyone can feel loved and supported during this hard time rather than alone and stressed. As a family unit it is important to be each other's support and safe zone.
The conclusions that I came to after this week of discussion were:
1. No matter what family system you are used to or were raised in, if there are things that were damaging, didn't work well, or things that you did not like that DOES NOT mean you have to continue in that same cycle. You have the opportunity and the right to change your life and your own family for the better. Stop the damaging cycles and change the future generations for the better.
2. Love the family that you are in. You came to this earth into the family you did for a reason. They are to help you learn and grow in the ways that you could not with out them. If you see things in your family that you think should be changed, change it, don't let negative things effect you or your family.
3. Sister Julie B. Beck came to BYU-Idaho to speak at a devotional and said something that really stuck with me. She said "you have two chances at making an eternal family, the first is the family you were born into and the second is the eterenal family that you create yourself. Don't mess up the second one."
Conflict Theory: Power to get gain.
Exchange Theory: When you give you expect getting something back in return.
Symbolic International Theory: Unwritten rules that we have grown up with or used to. Most of these are interpersonal communication and not written down anywhere, they are just known. It also based on your own perception regarding the behavior.
Family Systems Theory: Different subsystems of a family
It was interesting to discuss the unwritten rules that we live by. Depending on culture, race, family background and other factors it depends on how we perceive things. For example my family and I had a foreign exchange student from Colombia come live with us for his senior year of high school. When we met him he kissed me on the cheek, to him that was showing respect towards women in the highest regard, but I perceived very differently. This can happen in other situations as well. Newly weds deal with this in their first years of marriage, coming from two very different backgrounds, there are times when some things might be offensive to others even though that was not your intention. It is important to talk about those differences and not take offense but being understanding.
When I looked at my own family "rules" it was funny to see the things I had grown up with and become accustom to. It has also been interesting getting married and to see how my husband's family works and their set of "rules." Luckily my husband and I were raised very very similar so we didn't have a lot to change or adjust to when we got married. Plus my husband is very easy going, patient and understanding so he is really easy to get along with.
We also talked about boundaries familes set. We talked about homeostasis and circular activity. Homeostasis is when we play different roles. For example you act differently at church, school, when you are at home, or when you go to the store. It isn't that you have multiple personality disorder, but that in each of these different situations you take on a new role based on how you think you should act. We do this in our own familes as well.
When situations arise in the family roles change and family members can be closer, further or disengaged. For example when a child is very ill that causes stress on the family. The mom becomes closer to the daughter and is helping her, which then they form a union. The father can feel overwhelmed and stressed with the expense of the bills and feels disengaged from his wife. The other siblings might feel as though the sister is getting all the attention and feel jealous. In these situations it is important to see how others are feeling and to have open communication so that everyone can feel loved and supported during this hard time rather than alone and stressed. As a family unit it is important to be each other's support and safe zone.
The conclusions that I came to after this week of discussion were:
1. No matter what family system you are used to or were raised in, if there are things that were damaging, didn't work well, or things that you did not like that DOES NOT mean you have to continue in that same cycle. You have the opportunity and the right to change your life and your own family for the better. Stop the damaging cycles and change the future generations for the better.
2. Love the family that you are in. You came to this earth into the family you did for a reason. They are to help you learn and grow in the ways that you could not with out them. If you see things in your family that you think should be changed, change it, don't let negative things effect you or your family.
3. Sister Julie B. Beck came to BYU-Idaho to speak at a devotional and said something that really stuck with me. She said "you have two chances at making an eternal family, the first is the family you were born into and the second is the eterenal family that you create yourself. Don't mess up the second one."
Friday, May 3, 2013
Scary Family Trends to Think About
In the last two weeks of class we have been discussing trends that are becoming more prevalent in today's society. We wrote down a list and linked them all back to the family and why the family is at stake.
Let's take marrying later for instance. Since more people are living alone for a lot longer and marrying later in life, they postpone the age of having children. This effects the amount of children they have because they are now older when they marry and have children at a later age. Rather than marrying earlier and having ampule amount of time to have more children. This also effects family history. Parents are having kids at age 30 and sometimes as late into their 40's, which means these kids are not going to know their grandparents or even have their parents around for many years. Grandparents are the best, and the knowledge and wisdom they can give us is remarkable. It is sad to think that these children will not be able to see these generations.
Living alone, or smaller household sized have greatly increased. This is an interesting statistic:
In 1950 the average household size was 900 square feet with 6.1 people.
In 2000 the average household size was 2300 square feet with 2.5 people.
Pretty crazy when you look at those numbers? Today we are living in larger amounts of space with a lot fewer people. "The myth that the world is too crowded" should look at this statistic. Either have more children per family, or build smaller houses. Problem solved. Or better yet, listen to this one...the whole population of the WORLD could fit into TEXAS. And that's with each family having one acre. Doesn't seem too crowded now huh?
During the baby boom the fertility rate was 3.7. Which seems low for a "BOOM." If that was the "boom" I can only imagine what the rate is now. This effects family, population, society and especially the government. During the baby boom 13 people were working for one person's social security, now days we have about 3-6 people working for one person's social security, in the future that is going to drop down even more to 2 people working for one person's social security. Pretty soon those that want to support social security won't be able to, there is just not enough people. And why is this so you ask? Because fewer people are having less children, so the population is decreasing.
Pre-marital sex, unwed births and cohabitation, might seem like the "trendy" or cool thing to do, but research shows differently. I did a little of my own searching and found this great article, I highly suggest reading it! According to Smart Marriages and an article entitled "Should We Live Together?" What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage. A comprehensive review of recent research by David Poenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. It brought up a lot of things I had never thought of before. It also showed many correlations that I never would have thought would have been the cause of cohabitation. For instance, children in cohabiting relationships are much more likely to experience sexual and physical abuse.
Here are some statistics:
One study in Great Britain did look at the relationship between child abuse and the family structure and marital background of parents, and the results are disturbing. It was found that, compared to children living with married biological parents, children living with cohabiting but unmarried biological parents are 20 times more likely to be subject to child abuse, and those living with a mother and a cohabiting boyfriend who is not the father face an increased risk of 33 times. In contrast, the rate of abuse is 14 times higher if the child lives with a biological mother who lives alone. Indeed, the evidence suggests that the most unsafe of all family environments for children is that in which the mother is living with someone other than the child's biological father.31 This is the environment for the majority of children in cohabiting couple households.
In this article they give 4 cautions to cohabitation:
l. Consider not living together at all before marriage
They say that "cohabitation appears not to be helpful and may be harmful as a try-out for marriage. There is no evidence that if you decide to cohabit before marriage you will have a stronger marriage than those who don't live together, and some evidence to suggest that if you live together before marriage, you are more likely to break up after marriage. " I found this interesting.
2. Do not make a habit of cohabiting.
Be aware of the dangers of multiple living together experiences, both for your own sense of well-being and for your chances of establishing a strong lifelong partnership. Contrary to popular wisdom, you do not learn to have better relationships from multiple failed cohabiting relationships. In fact, multiple cohabiting is a strong predictor of the failure of future relationships.
3. Limit cohabitation to the shortest possible period of time. The longer you live together with a partner, the more likely it is that the low-commitment ethic of cohabitation will take hold, the opposite of what is required for a successful marriage.
4. Do not cohabit if children are involved. Children need and should have parents who are committed to staying together over the long term. Cohabiting parents break up at a much higher rate than married parents and the effects of breakup can be devastating and often long lasting. Moreover, children living in cohabiting unions are at higher risk of sexual abuse and physical violence, including lethal violence, than are children living with married parents.
These are just a few of the things this article mentions and goes further into, I suggest reading the whole article. It is very intriguing.
After looking and discussing these trends and the research behind all this it made me alarmed, frightened, and sad. It is sad that more and more trends are leading away from the ideal. The ideal of marrying, having children, and contributing to society. We need strong marriages, families and strong, educated, people with high standards who will contribute to society and make the world go round. We can not afford losing families.Our society, world and well-being depends on it!
- Cohabitation
- Marrying later
- Living alone
- More employed mothers
- Unwed births
- Fertility rates declining
- The trend that "family isn't important "
- "Big families are no longer cool or trendy"
- Pre-marital sex
- Household size
Let's take marrying later for instance. Since more people are living alone for a lot longer and marrying later in life, they postpone the age of having children. This effects the amount of children they have because they are now older when they marry and have children at a later age. Rather than marrying earlier and having ampule amount of time to have more children. This also effects family history. Parents are having kids at age 30 and sometimes as late into their 40's, which means these kids are not going to know their grandparents or even have their parents around for many years. Grandparents are the best, and the knowledge and wisdom they can give us is remarkable. It is sad to think that these children will not be able to see these generations.
Living alone, or smaller household sized have greatly increased. This is an interesting statistic:
In 1950 the average household size was 900 square feet with 6.1 people.
In 2000 the average household size was 2300 square feet with 2.5 people.
Pretty crazy when you look at those numbers? Today we are living in larger amounts of space with a lot fewer people. "The myth that the world is too crowded" should look at this statistic. Either have more children per family, or build smaller houses. Problem solved. Or better yet, listen to this one...the whole population of the WORLD could fit into TEXAS. And that's with each family having one acre. Doesn't seem too crowded now huh?
During the baby boom the fertility rate was 3.7. Which seems low for a "BOOM." If that was the "boom" I can only imagine what the rate is now. This effects family, population, society and especially the government. During the baby boom 13 people were working for one person's social security, now days we have about 3-6 people working for one person's social security, in the future that is going to drop down even more to 2 people working for one person's social security. Pretty soon those that want to support social security won't be able to, there is just not enough people. And why is this so you ask? Because fewer people are having less children, so the population is decreasing.
Pre-marital sex, unwed births and cohabitation, might seem like the "trendy" or cool thing to do, but research shows differently. I did a little of my own searching and found this great article, I highly suggest reading it! According to Smart Marriages and an article entitled "Should We Live Together?" What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage. A comprehensive review of recent research by David Poenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. It brought up a lot of things I had never thought of before. It also showed many correlations that I never would have thought would have been the cause of cohabitation. For instance, children in cohabiting relationships are much more likely to experience sexual and physical abuse.
Here are some statistics:
One study in Great Britain did look at the relationship between child abuse and the family structure and marital background of parents, and the results are disturbing. It was found that, compared to children living with married biological parents, children living with cohabiting but unmarried biological parents are 20 times more likely to be subject to child abuse, and those living with a mother and a cohabiting boyfriend who is not the father face an increased risk of 33 times. In contrast, the rate of abuse is 14 times higher if the child lives with a biological mother who lives alone. Indeed, the evidence suggests that the most unsafe of all family environments for children is that in which the mother is living with someone other than the child's biological father.31 This is the environment for the majority of children in cohabiting couple households.
In this article they give 4 cautions to cohabitation:
l. Consider not living together at all before marriage
They say that "cohabitation appears not to be helpful and may be harmful as a try-out for marriage. There is no evidence that if you decide to cohabit before marriage you will have a stronger marriage than those who don't live together, and some evidence to suggest that if you live together before marriage, you are more likely to break up after marriage. " I found this interesting.
2. Do not make a habit of cohabiting.
Be aware of the dangers of multiple living together experiences, both for your own sense of well-being and for your chances of establishing a strong lifelong partnership. Contrary to popular wisdom, you do not learn to have better relationships from multiple failed cohabiting relationships. In fact, multiple cohabiting is a strong predictor of the failure of future relationships.
3. Limit cohabitation to the shortest possible period of time. The longer you live together with a partner, the more likely it is that the low-commitment ethic of cohabitation will take hold, the opposite of what is required for a successful marriage.
4. Do not cohabit if children are involved. Children need and should have parents who are committed to staying together over the long term. Cohabiting parents break up at a much higher rate than married parents and the effects of breakup can be devastating and often long lasting. Moreover, children living in cohabiting unions are at higher risk of sexual abuse and physical violence, including lethal violence, than are children living with married parents.
These are just a few of the things this article mentions and goes further into, I suggest reading the whole article. It is very intriguing.
After looking and discussing these trends and the research behind all this it made me alarmed, frightened, and sad. It is sad that more and more trends are leading away from the ideal. The ideal of marrying, having children, and contributing to society. We need strong marriages, families and strong, educated, people with high standards who will contribute to society and make the world go round. We can not afford losing families.Our society, world and well-being depends on it!
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