Divorce is Not A Quick Fix

This week in class we talked about divorce and the "blending" of new families. I believe that divorce has become too easy to access and has become the number one solution to marital problems when it should be the last resort.

There are 6 stations of divorce. Many people think of the contract one, where you by law are divorced but there are many other. The 6 stations include:

1- Emotional divorce: involves a loss of trust, respect, and affection for each other.
2- Legal divorce: when the court officially brings the marriage to an end.
3- Economic divorce: settlement of the property.
4- Co-parental divorce: occurs when the couple has children- decisions need to be made about custody, visitation rights, and continuing parental responsibilities.
5- Community divorce: the friends of the previous couple become "divorced" as well and are sometimes forced to choose sides.
6- Psychic divorce: the individual must accept the disruption of their relationship and regain a sense of being an individual rather than being in a marriage relationship.
*(All of these are directly from Lauer and Lauer's book "Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy")

The main reasons reported for divorce are finances, children, communication, sex, and falling out of love. People need to understand that getting a divorce isn’t going to fix these problems, but just intensify them even more. Especially if the couple have children, figuring out how to divide them up is a lot harder than you would think and can cause a lot of problems. Learning how to deal with blended families isn’t easy, with the rate of divorces we need to learn ways on how to make these situations more effective. The way to get to the root of the problem is preventing divorce before it even happens and learning how to create healthy, happy and loving marriages. 

Parenting, A Vital Role

This week in class we have been discussing parenting and how to be effective parents. One day in class we talked about consequences. I believe that it is important that we let our children learn for themselves and that we don't hold their hand throughout life.

As parents this isn't the easiest thing to do. We want to help them as much as possible and we don't want them to suffer. But if we are constantly doing things for them we are really hurting them more than helping them. We have to let them suffer the natural consequences. Letting them learn for themselves allows them to grow and become the independent individuals we want them to become.

Of course, there are certain things we shouldn't let our children suffer, because it is not age or situation appropriate. But we need to be constantly looking at our parenting and changing it based on their, age, maturity and cognition levels. We shouldn't raise our children the same way we did as they were a baby. We need to adjust our parenting to how much they are growing.

The same principle of adjusting our parenting styles based on our child's maturity level also goes along with how we need to raise each child differently. Each child is born with their own temperament and personality. Based on each child's needs we need to discipline, love and care for them based on their specific needs. We shouldn't raise each child the same and expect them to turn out the same. Each person has a different personality and temperament that they are born with and we shouldn't try to change that. As parents we should embrace our child's differences and learn to raise them based on their specific needs and wants. Learning to adjust to their needs is a lot easier than to force them to adjust to our own ways.

Hopkins gives great research on when and when not to let our children suffer natural consequences.
He gives three areas in which we shouldn't allow natural consequences to teach these are:
1. Too Dangerous
2. Too far in the future
3. Others are affected (primary)

Finding the balance is the key here. We need to make sure that we don't interfere with the natural consequences, and let or children learn for themselves. Doing things for our children will not allow them to take the responsibility that they need to learn and grow from. We have been given our agency for a reason. If we as parents don't allow them to use it we are raising them how Satan would want us. When we allow our children to use their agency we are raising them how Heavenly Father wold raise them. They are not just our children, but Heavenly Father's and we need to raise them as such.

Work Hard, Play Hard!

In class this week we have been talking about how families work together. I believe that it is very important for parents to teach their children the value of work.

In today's society we have gotten away from the traditional ways families used to work together. Before the industrial revolution, husbands either worked on their farm, or around the house for their careers. Work and housework were one not separate things that a man does or the women takes care of, rather it was a family ordeal and they all worked together. Instead of leaving to go to work miles away, the husband would stay home and be around the family. This allowed him to be able to teach his children how to work and also allowed him to help around the house. Before children left for hours a day to attend school, they would stay around and help their parents with what ever they could handle maturity wise. The family was centered around working and living around each other.

This is not that not how families and work are today. Today with the husbands leaving for hours a day to go to work, and children going to school for the majority of the day that leaves women alone with the burden of taking care of the household chores all on her own. It is hard as a wife and a husband to teach work ethic in their families with the circumstances we have today.

Here are some ways we can still teach work ethic in the home and have fun while doing it:

• Family Garden
• Service Activities
• Promote a working environment ("unplug" from technology)
• Make chores a game
• Show your appreciation to your kids for the work that they do. Then they will be more willing to keep helping you out knowing that you appreciate the work that you do for them.
• Don't micromanage or be a perfectionist. Be pleased with the way your children do things.
• Even though it might take longer or cause you more stress, let your kids help you!
• Make work fun and enjoyable