Communication: Vital for healthy relationships

I believe that communication is a key tool to learn for the betterment of relationships and families. When you think of communication, one might think it is the words that are spoken, but it is so much more that that. Non-verbal actions and tone are also methods of communicating. Words make up 14% and tone makes up 35% equaling 51% of all communication. In other words we look to non-verbal cues as a method of communication more than we do to the words that someone is trying to communicate to us. Our non-verbal skills make up half of what we are trying to communicate. That is why the way you say something (tone) and the way you convey it (non-verbal) is so much more important than what you are actually saying.

Sarcasm is a tool in which messes with good communication and ends up doing more harm than good. We should all strive to be less sarcastic and be more clear and concise when we are speaking to those we love and care about.

 Men and women are very different in the ways that they communicate. Women for example tend to be thinking about something and then comment on it without giving the background story. This happens a lot and the poor men are left thinking, "where the heck did that come from?" To solve this problem women can either explain where they are coming from or men can ask "what is the background to that thought, please help me understand." It is very difficult to encode and decode what people are trying to say to us. We all have our own perceptions on things, and need to be clear on how we communicate or get our point across. Patience in communication is essential.

In Ephesians chapter 4 it gives great examples on how we should and shouldn't communicate. In chapter 5 it talks about the do's and dont's in communicating in marriage. And in chapter 6 it talks about how parents should communicate with their children. These chapters give profound insights to how we should be communicating and how we should not. It is very clear and straight forward. After reading these verses of scriptures I have come to realize that I have a lot of room to improve. In class someone brought up the question how does venting help? Our teacher said that it isn't helpful at all, but that it is degrading and doesn't solve our problems. If you think about it, Christ had all the reasons in the world to vent, but never did. Venting is destructive and lets us talk badly about situations or people. This really struck me because I go on venting rampages just about every day to my husband. After learning about the destructiveness about it I am going to try my hardest to stop.

I also loved how in class we discussed how the quorum of the twelve and the prophet comes to a complete consensus. They never yell, raise their voice and are always willing to hear everyone's perspective. And yet, no matter what topic they are discussing each and every time they come to one consensus. I love that! I hope to aspire to have this same method with my own family and in our own family counsels. The reason they are all able to come to a complete consensus every time is because they are coming to a consensus of God's will rather than their own. When we are thinking of our own preferences or opinions we will never come to a complete consensus but when we are putting God's will above our own, each family member or person will come to the same agreement. That is so amazing to me. I hope to have prayerful and spiritual counsels with me own family just like the brethren of our church do.

Teaching Your Children About Sex

This week in class we discussed sexual intimacy and the differences between men and women. We also discussed how you should discuss sex with your children. I believe that it is very important to talk to your children about sex.

I believe that it is so important for your children to understand the doctrine and principles and the purpose of the procreation power first and foremost. If they truly understand the doctrine behind the Plan of Salvation and the reason we are here on this earth, to create eternal families, then it will be a lot easier for them to understand the applications that go along with that. Boyd K. Packer says it best...."True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the of the doctrines of the Gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. "I love that and believe it to be true. If we teach our children the reason behind things they will be more willing to follow the counsel we give them and the counsel from church leaders.

If you do not teach them correctly about it in the home then they will learn the improper use of the procreation power from the world and other outside sources. I think that having that open communication with your children is very important. It should not be a one-time thing that you talk to them about, you constantly need to be talking to them about it as they grow. When you discuss sex for the first time that doesn't mean it will be the first and last time. Your children will continue to have questions about it as they get older and understand more. That it is why it is so important to have that open communication with your children so that when they have questions throughout their life they will feel comfortable coming and talking to you about those type of things.

Preparing yourself now and how you are going to handle these matters is essential. Discuss with your spouse how you are going to handle these situations BEFORE they happen. Consider it as a "game plan" you wouldn't go into a intense game without having a plan, them same goes for parenting. Knowing how you will handle these questions and being prepared before will help your children tremendously. Being prepared will help you be able to effectively teach and be ready for when that question does come up, because they will, and when you least expect it.

As parents we shouldn't act like it is this "taboo." If we overact or shun the question our kids are going to get the wrong impression. Instead we need to be as calm as possible and address it then and there. If the time and place isn't conducive explain that to your child and say, "that is a very important question, let's discuss that when we get home." Don't drag out the time to talk about it. My parents did this and it really helped. When I asked my mom what sex was she didn't freak out or over react and shun the question. She simply answered and explained it to me like she would how to do a math problem. Her and my father already knew how they were going to handle the situation before it ever came up. Talking about these issues doesn't need to be a scary thing, it is just another part of life.

Our great leaders of the church have come out with a Parents Guide about how to talk with your children at varying different ages. It gives great counsel and is a great guide to follow. Go ahead and read, I highly recommend it. Here is the link: http://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng

There are different ways in which you can teach your children about their bodies and the procreation power. It is important to start this at a young age so that your children know early on how to treat themselves and others. Just discussing the differences between boys and girls is a good way to start.

I had amazing parents that talked with me about these matters and explained to me what changes my body was going to go through way before they happened. The taught me the proper ways to use the procreation power and also helped me when I was about to get married and start having sex. Nothing came as a surprise to me, periods, the development of breasts, or sexual matters. All was discussed prior and I am so grateful for that! I hope to be just as open and informative with my own children.

I encourage parents to get their "game plan" together NOW so that they can effectively show love and teach their children about this very important matter.

Marriage

This week in class we have been discussing marriage. Specifically in the first couple years. There many changes that the couple go through and work through. Even though it is a challenging time it cam be "marital bliss" like everyone hopes for too. Some ways that you can make sure your marriage starts off on the right foot are:

• Establish roles and responsibilities. When you first get married it is uncomfortable to talk about these type of things, but not talking about them will cause more damage. Distinguish who is going to do what so that one spouse doesn't feel like they are doing the bulk of household responsibilities.
• Set boundaries for in-laws and extended family. Once you are married, you must break all other ties and cleave unto your spouse. Cleaving means moving away from your parents and establishing that new relationship with your spouse. Your parents now take on a new role. They do not decide what is wrong and right for you anymore, they just encourage now. You and your spouse must cleave and become one. Setting boundaries for in-laws, extended family and even friends need to be set. Your spouse is your main priority now.
• Talk about intimacy. Husband and wives feel differently about this and there needs to be clear and good communication for this to be a happy thing. Discuss what you like and dislike. Talk about how you like to be turned on, touched, or talked to. Intimacy is not just sex. It is the meaningful conversations that you have, the extended hugs, kisses, hand-holding, ect. Make sure that you know how your spouse shows love and how they like to receive love. You might not realize that how you like to feel loved might not be the same way that they like to be loved. Knowing that will help. Talking and communicating about this is key.
• Money. Set a budget, and discuss how you guys are going to spend it. This will help a lot of the stress and grief. Don't let it become a problem.

A lot of people today think that marriage stinks, or that it isn't worth it. That makes me so sad to hear. I haven't been more happy in my life than I have been being married. Marriage is the most fulfilling and compassionate relationship. Being married has made me realize so many things about myself. I have become a better person and grown more than I ever could from being single. I now have someone to go through life with and help me with my hardships, trials, and also the good times. If I had the chance, I would do it over again! It seriously has been the biggest blessing in my life. I am very grateful for marriage and the amazing man that I married.

A little trip down marriage lane...